I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
