My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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