found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
God I need to hump something, right now.
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