OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
