the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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