YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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