It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize