planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
