There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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