Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
