so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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