so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
