Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
