In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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