So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
