Small penises have feelings too.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
