Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
