No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
