Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize