Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They took my balls.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
