How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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