Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
