Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
