mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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