i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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