You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
