you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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