doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
