and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
