my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
