Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
