Fine. I'll sleep in my office
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
