the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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