Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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