My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
