make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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