The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
