Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
