he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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