They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it's great music for shaving your balls
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
