I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
