My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
