There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
