Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
