Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
