The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
