Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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