he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
