That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
