Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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