can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best revenge is premature balding
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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