3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize