Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
