I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
