I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
