i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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