What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
