I wish I could teleport
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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