it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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