Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
