She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
