he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
