whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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